


please, say it

by kozusme



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, fluff??? i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28085130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kozusme/pseuds/kozusme
Summary: Akaashi wonders how different things would be if Bokuto never held his hand, if Bokuto didn’t hug him after that especially bad game and helped him calm down, if Bokuto didn’t kiss him that day as the fireworks went off behind them. He wonders… but he doesn’t really want to know.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 60





	please, say it

Akaashi is in love, there is no denying it at this point. Head over heels. Smitten. Enamored. All the words you can think of. 

But Akaashi does not know if he is loved back.

Akaashi wonders how different things would be if Bokuto never held his hand, if Bokuto didn’t hug him after that especially bad game and helped him calm down, if Bokuto didn’t kiss him that day as the fireworks went off behind them. He wonders… but he doesn’t really want to know.

Things are okay as they are or so he tells himself, he gets to hug Bokuto, hold hands with him, and kiss him when they are alone. He feels guilty for asking anything more. Maybe this is all he deserves. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe…

He tries not to dwell on things, tries not to think about how Bokuto stops holding his hand when he sees his friends. He tries not to remember how Bokuto would refer him to as his _friend_ anytime someone asks **What are you guys?.**

Akaashi tells himself this is all he’s going to get. And maybe, maybe he has to be okay with that.

Akaashi realizes he doesn’t see Bokuto as a friend when the wing spiker starts hugging him from behind at a certain volleyball training camp.

He can’t ignore the loud beating of his own heart, threating to come out of his chest as Bokuto places his arms around his waist and his chin on his shoulder. All of the hairs on his body stand up as he feels Bokuto’s faint breathing on his neck. He forgets what Kuroo-san is talking about, too hyperaware of the warmth of Bokuto’s body coming into his own, he tries to remember how to breathe properly, scared that he might pass out.

“Right, Akaashi?” He hears Bokuto ask, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, his brain full of _He’s touching me, he’s touching me, he’s touching me._ He nods, hoping it would be a good enough of an answer.

Later that day Akaashi takes a shower, head full of thoughts he can’t seem to get rid of. He’s known for being an over-thinker, doesn’t mind it that much but god, he would love to be able to stop thinking about certain amber eyes. He doesn’t think he’s going to be able to.

Akaashi keeps his crush on Bokuto a secret, not that anyone would want to know anyway. He hides it, keeps it locked on his heart, pretends that it’s nothing more than infatuation, that he only looks up to Bokuto as a volleyball player. Tells himself that the butterflies he feels on his stomach are just nerves, even if he doesn’t have anything to be nervous about.

Summer creeps up on him faster than ever before, showing itself with full force. The days become longer, practice becomes harder in the heat of the afternoon, the humidity sticking to them like glue, but at least classes are over, and he only gets to think about volleyball.

That is, until Bokuto asks him to go to the summer festival.

He thinks about saying no, he thinks about how dangerous it would be if he were exposed, about how his feelings would start to leak out, like the fizz of a sparkling soda.

But Bokuto is looking at him with expectant eyes, eyes that say _please go with me_ and Akaashi can’t resist, never has been good at saying no, especially to him.

He ends up saying yes, nonchalantly as if his heart isn’t threating to jump out of his chest once more.

The days go by way too fast, as if telling Akaashi _if you aren’t ready now, you never will be._

The festival is nice, but Akaashi can’t think. He can’t think because Bokuto is holding his hand so tightly he thinks it might come off. Bokuto is holding his hand, fingers intertwined as they search for a place to watch the fireworks. He’s hot, the summer heat is getting to him or it might be the fact that Bokuto’s warm hand is burning him. He feels like Icarus, flying too close to the sun, but he realizes he doesn’t mind. If burning a little meant being this happy, well, to hell with everything else.

Akaashi doesn’t realize Bokuto stopped until he bumps into him. They are far away from the festival, in what looks to be a small hill.

“This is the best spot” Bokuto smiles at him, radiant, without a care in the world and he can’t help but smile back.

They stand there, in silence, waiting for the fireworks. Until Bokuto suddenly grabs both of his hands, they are facing each other and Akaashi can’t breathe. He’s too close, way too close. He feels his throat close up, words threating to spill, to say _hey, I like you,_ but he can’t.

The fireworks start and Bokuto kisses him.

Akaashi can’t, doesn’t.

He stays still, doesn’t kiss back.

Bokuto pulls away, he looks down and tries to speak. Akaashi doesn’t let him, he can’t let Bokuto say _Sorry_ , so he kisses him. This time both of them kiss back.

Akaashi is just confused.

It feels as if they are still _just friends_ , just friends who occasionally make out and hold hands on their way home.

Bokuto doesn’t say anything either, which leads him to think that he just simply doesn’t care (even though he knows that’s not the case, Bokuto is not that kind of person, he wouldn’t, he—.)

The anxiety and doubts are eating him alive, but he can’t tell Bokuto, there are too many what ifs. He’s not willing to risk it. Not when their whole friendship is on the line, not when he still enjoys kissing Bokuto so much.

Maybe it’s what he deserves, he tries not to dwell on self-pity too often, it doesn’t do him any good, but he can’t help but think that this is as good as he’s going to get. Maybe, just maybe.

He sighs, tears threating to fall.

He’s shaking, trying to keep himself together is harder than he thinks. His phone vibrates, the screen shows **Kotarou Bokuto.** Akaashi takes a deep breath and answers.

“Bokuto-san?”

“Akaashi, I’m outside your house, would you come down?”

Akaashi opens the door and he suddenly feels out of place in his own home.

Bokuto barges in and goes directly to the living room. Akaashi follows him.

“Akaashi, my mom wants you to go over for dinner. Tomorrow at 7pm.”

Akaashi freezes, he looks at Bokuto who is looking at him straight in the eye. He’d been at Bokuto’s house plenty of times, he has even met all of his sisters so why is he so nervous all of a sudden?

“Um, sure” He manages to get out the words before they die on his mouth “Did you come all the way here to tell me that?” Bokuto giggles and pats the sofa, as if telling Akaashi to sit down next to him, he does.

Once he sits down, Bokuto grabs his neck and kisses him. He thinks there might be no better feeling than having Bokuto’s lips against his own. Bokuto’s hand wander to his waist and brings their bodies closer, Akaashi swears Bokuto’s touch is electric, it gives him goosebumps everywhere.

Bokuto pulls away “Ah, I wish I could stay for longer, but we do have early practice tomorrow. See ya in the morning, Akaashi” Bokuto kisses his forehead and leaves. Akaashi thinks he might just not sleep tonight.

Akaashi is right, he doesn’t sleep a wink that night.

Bokuto’s kiss weighs on his mind, his hands against his skin, touching him as if he’d wanted to remember every little part of him. He knows he’d let him; he’d let Bokuto touch him until there was not a single part of his body not engrained on his mind.

Akaashi wakes up to the sound of his alarm, 6:30AM.

He sighs and prepares himself for the day, after all it was going to be a long one.

Practice goes by way quicker than he would’ve wanted it to, as if mocking him. Akaashi is not ready for whatever will happen tonight.

Classes end at 6PM, meaning he has enough time to go home, shower and change clothe so he does just that.

**[from Bokuto-san, 6:32PM]**

u coming, right?

**[to Bokuto-san, 6:33PM]**

yes, i’m on my way.

When he makes it to the Bokuto residence it’s already 6:55PM. He’s holding a bottle of sake, as small gift for Bokuto’s mom. He calms himself down and rings the bell.

Bokuto’s eldest sister opens the door “Keiji-kun! It’s been a while.”

“Ayase-san, it’s nice to see you again” He glances at the door and sees Bokuto smiling at him, he smiles back.

“Kotarou has been bothering mom about inviting you to dinner for a while now” Akaashi feels the blood go to his cheeks, _Bokuto planned this, he wanted to have him over. Okay_.

“Nee-san stop stalling Akaashi.”

“Fine, fine. Akaashi-kun, please come in” He bows to Ayase and makes his way into the living room.

Bokuto’s mom and older sister greet him as they prepare the table. They tell him to wait in the living room as they finish dinner, Akaashi complies, he hands them over the bottle of sake he brought first.

Bokuto is waiting for him in the living room, eyes glued to the TV. He doesn’t even notice when Akaashi sists next to him.

Akaashi takes this opportunity to _look_ at Bokuto, he takes it all in, his messy hair he clearly had tried to style but failed, the frosted tips that confused Akaashi for the longest time _(How can someone’s hair be like that?)._ His amber, goldish eyes that he could probably get lost on (Cheesy, he knows.) When he finally stops staring, he notices Bokuto is looking at him too.

“Dinner’s ready, Akaashi”

Akaashi smiles, Bokuto never really stopped slurring his name. Never getting it quite right, he didn’t mind. It was special. After all, Bokuto was the only one who pronounced his name like that.

Dinner is delicious, as expected. Ayase and Mikasa ask him questions about school and tell him how much of a saint he is for putting up with Bokuto, Akaashi just laughs, if anything he’s lucky Bokuto is by his side, he doesn’t say it.

When they are eating dessert, Ayase breaks the silence. “So, what are you guys? An item? Is he finally your boyfriend, Kotarou?”

Akaashi freezes, he feels his own heartbeat ringing on his ears, the question he’s dreaded to ask for so long. **What are we?** He doesn’t know the answer and he’s scared to know what Bokuto might say. He swallows the lump on his throat.

“We are boyfriends, of course” Bokuto says it so easily, as if he never really thought about it, as if Akaashi hasn’t been mulling over the answer for the past five months. As if Akaashi wasn’t scared shitless of the answer Bokuto might give.

Akaashi doesn’t notice he’s crying until Bokuto grabs his arm and drags him away from the rest of his family.

“Akaashi, are you okay?” Is he? He isn’t too sure.

Bokuto wipes his tears with his thumb, hugs him until he’s calmed down enough to talk.

“Better?” Akaashi nods because he doesn’t trust his voice, yet. “What’s wrong, Akaashi? Should I not have said that?”

 _Should he?_ Bokuto just erased Akaashi’s doubts, told his family that they’re dating but why does he feel so empty?

“No, I-I” He can’t seem to get the words out, Bokuto pats his back, encouraging him. “Do you like me, Bokuto-san?” He manages to ask.

“No.” He feels the tears pool on his eyes once again, he feels like a joke.

“I love you, Akaashi” Before Akaashi processes anything, he feels Bokuto’s lips on his. It’s only a peck but it leaves him breathless, nonetheless. “I have loved you for a very long time, I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”

“You idiot”

Akaashi feels the weight on his shoulders disappear. Confirmation. Validation.

Bokuto likes him. No. Bokuto **loves** him.

“I was worried” He whispers, so faint that Bokuto almost doesn’t hear it.

“About what?”

“We-we never established anything. You never asked me to be your boyfriend, never told me you liked me” He feels his grip on Bokuto tighten, afraid he might disappear “I thought- I thought maybe I was making it all up in my head, the looks you gave me, how sweet you were with me.”

“Akaashi…”

“I was so scared that whatever we had, had an expiration date.”

He feels Bokuto’s arms envelop him into a hug, he lets himself be comforted.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve said something sooner. I assumed we were on the same page, after I kissed you, I just thought that was enough. I’m sorry I worried you.”

Akaashi can tell from Bokuto’s voice that he truly feels remorseful, he can’t blame him for his own insecurities.

“Well, I guess it’s fine” He looks at Bokuto in the eye, maintaining eye contact “Because I love you too, Bokuto-san.”

Akaashi thought he was selfish for asking for more, for thinking maybe whatever he and Bokuto had was all he deserved.

I love you’s were truly magic words, he thought.

**Author's Note:**

> got the idea for this fic while talking to a friend so i had to make it come to life.


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